“You can’t judge a book by its cover” (E. George, 1860) . However, the cover is the first thing that captures attention of most people. These days people are solely judged based on their external appearance. People portray their perfect images on their Instagram profiles. In this new age of Kardashians and Keto diets, we are constantly advised about how we should shed those extra pounds by dieting or lose our “baby fat” by exercising vigorously. On the other end of the spectrum, some of us are constantly judged for weighing less or eyebrows are raised on how on earth could we eat more and still be so skinny.
The lockdown and pandemic has worsened the situation further. We are confined to our homes, unable to go out, workout in the gym or go outside for a jog.
I frequently receive messages from my teenaged clients asking for ways to stick to their strict diet plans and exercise schedules. And they are just 15-16 years olds to whom “Insta worthy body” is the primary goal in life. It’s more important than playing in the backyard or engaging in the mischievous activities which normally children and teenagers do. And how could we blame them? The society is constantly feeding them the narrative – “You’re not good enough” ; “You need to do more”. The constant pressure to prove themselves in every aspect is devouring them.
It all starts from comparisons and body shaming. It is something that most of us have to deal with almost daily. It can come from peers, family, loved ones or even strangers. It might be conscious and deliberate, or sometimes even a casual remark, unconsciously thrown at a party. Some of us choose to ignore it while some of us are deeply wounded by it and might suffer endlessly in silence. Our self esteem is injured and we constantly criticize ourselves for not being good enough. The toxic “Diet culture” makes it even worse. I have been a victim of it too and it had been truly a struggle before I could admit it, even to myself.
And boy, do these hurts go deep! They go so deep that they distort our body images, developing eating disorders, ruining our self confidence, pushing us to the brink of torturing ourselves with extreme diet regimes, exercise rituals, modifying our body, wearing slimming belts, starving ourselves to perfect those thigh gaps. It shows in the way we dress, what we choose to eat, and how we choose to socialize. Self destructive behaviours might reach the extent of resorting to techniques like fat reduction surgery or cosmetic surgeries and silicon implantation in order to get the ultimate “booty” or the crave-worthy figure. I know some people even smoking up marijuana daily just to look skinny! (I’m not sure if this is backed by science). Some people also opt for steroids and hormonal injections, while some others consume dietary supplements to achieve their targets. Or some even work out so much to the extent of even passing out.
The National Eating Disorder Collaboration of Australia (NEDA) defines “body image” as the view a person has about their physical appearance and the thoughts following because of that observation.
What can we do then? How can we protect ourselves from these false expectations and yet be healthy and fit?
We need to toss the diet culture. Work out and eat healthy because we want to, not because we want to be accepted or maybe comments about our body made us sign up for a gym membership. This was a very late realisation for me. This realisation was mainly brought about by therapy. I realised a lot of my issues had a direct and indirect relationship with my body image. It was huge breakthrough. Psychotherapy was extremely effective for me.
Here are a few strategies other than therapy which helped :-
- Setting a fresh mind-set
Work towards your goals in terms of overall health and well-being than only focusing on weight, size or shape of your body. Being fit is not synonymous to being slim or having a perfect height-weight ratio. A combination of proper nutrition, balanced physical exercise and a positive outlook is the key to well-being.
- Appreciating and accepting yourself
Recognising your positive qualities, talents and achievements in life helps in building a positive body image. Appreciate the best features you have and accept the flaws you have. Your flaws are beautiful. They make you unique. Your body is truly a temple and one can only be grateful for the way it has been.
- Being Media Smart
The fashion industry and media have created unhealthy notions about beauty and attractiveness worldwide. Beauty has become synonymous with “hourglass figure” or “eight pack abs”. The real beauty lies within each individual and not in their external appearance. All that you see on people’s instagram are well curated and people do not post the raw details of their lives. You are extraordinary and so is everyone.
- Watching what you say
We all have flaws and imperfections. That’s what makes us human. Just because someone is different doesn’t mean they can be ridiculed. Different is beautiful. You’re beautiful. Body shaming is something we can never indulge in. Embrace diversity and do not compare.
- Asking for help
Don’t suffer in silence. Talk to a therapist about your issues. Body image issues are valid and real. One in eight (13%) adults experienced suicidal thoughts or feelings because of concerns about their body image. We hear you. We are here for you. Please reach out.
And ofcourse social support is necessary in battling any kind of issue. So make sure you surround yourself with your tribe – people who would choose to be with you because of you. Someone very close to me told me something once that stuck with me. He said that people’s comments don’t matter. When others don’t find any flaw in your work they attack your insecurities. So their comments about your body is not about you, it’s more about them unable to pull you down. Do not give in. You’re beautiful. You’re exquisite. I realised this now. It’s still a process for me. I hope you realize it soon. So let’s stop that guilty narrative and have that slice of pizza! It’s one life and food is love.
My Eureka Moments! 